So last night I asked myself, “How many times will I have to hit the reset button on my life?” Is there a limit? I have had to start over more times than I care to count. It’s like being reincarnated without the benefit of dying first. Yes, I will grant that some of my do overs were undeserved; I got second chances that maybe I shouldn’t have gotten. And I am grateful for those. It’s the other ones that trouble me.
Last night I opted for pizza, which meant driving home past the place Toni died on the way to the hospital. (Yes, they revived her for a little while, but for me that was the end.) Every time I drive by takes me back to that gut-wrenching moment. The intensity varies but it’s always the same. Last night was not the worst, but it was worse than usual.
Then this happened. I got to come home to a present—I am assuming from Hercules; the neat placement and sheer scale makes me think so—that I needed to take care of. Now among Toni’s house rules there were two that are relevant here. One that I take indoor floor stools outside and not flush them down the toilet. Two that we never have a plunger in the house, because she didn’t want to ruin the bathroom esthetic. (Some of you are getting ahead of me here; just hold on.) I agreed with the stipulation that we get a snake.
Well, you know me. I’m on my own now and am trying new ways of doing things. I dumped the dump into the toilet—in phases to avoid a clog—and promptly clogged it up beyond all hope. Not wanting to deal with snaking the problem at the moment, I shut the lid and figured I would let things simmer. I quickly used Toni’s bathroom (which had been dormant all these months, to the point where all the water had evaporated out of the bowl), and got on to the evening business. Come this morning the blockage was holding fast. Nothing to do but use Toni’s bathroom again. But this time my stay was longer. I had plenty of time to look around and see a thousand little memories that I haven’t thought of in months. Her makeup, jewelry, shoes, all the knick-knacks I had gotten her over the years...it was kind of overwhelming. And after last night’s ride home...
So all is well now. I gave my toilet one last try before I got out the snake and amazingly it worked. I plugged my router back in after several days of no service, and it worked, too. I went to my job and I worked. Everything is back to normal. Almost. Still working on my latest reset. I wanna unplug. Or unclog. I’ll let you know how it turns out.
